"Momma, I was born to never be away from you."

Oof, my heart. 

September 30, 2013

I just can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that six whole years have passed. Sometimes she seems so grown it stops my heart for a moment.  This kid makes me belly laugh every day. Every single new thing she learns impressed the hell out of me. And her huge heart makes me weepy and so crazy proud I feel my own heart will surely burst. I wonder ten times a day why I got the honor and blessing of being her momma and all I can do is try to not mess up too bad and remember to take a step back and stay out of her way. She makes me nuts with her sass so I'm just going to consider her to be quick-witted. ;) She wallers me out of a king-sized bed and makes me crabby in the mornings. Then I remember how as a baby she would fall asleep with each of her little hands on both of my cheeks and her tiny lips pressed against mine, breathing my breath, legs curled up and toes digging into my belly. I will always see that baby in her sleeping face and body, no matter how many years pass and how big her sassypants - I mean, quick-witted - little self grows to be. Happy Birthday, Finley Kate, you perfectly lovely child of mine. 

"I wish I had a big sister named Isabella who would let me play with her jewels and jump on her bed. And at night I would sneak into her room and steal her bubble gum and close my door and then party all night."

"This one time I had a dream that I was walking to school and there were flowers growing out of my arm. And when I picked them they grew back."

Bedtime whispers: 

"Mom, I have a lil' secret. Sometimes, when you get in the bath, you can put cucumbers on your eyes. But don't tell anyone, because it will freak them out.  It's kind of a mystery."   

This morning's wake up inquiry:

"Mom, when are we going to go to that mu-zimmy place with the giant underpants?  I just really feel like I need to see those giant underpants."

Fin:  I think it would be really awesome to have gray hair. 

Me: Someday you will have. 

Fin:  No, I mean it would be cool if I had all gray hair NOW. When I'm a kid. 

Me:  Um... hrmm. Why do you think so?

Fin:  Because I would be the only one. And I would be like a rock star, baybeh. 

Me:  You are weirdly cool child. 

Fin:  I think it would be really awesome to have gray hair. 

Me: Someday you will have. 

Fin:  No, I mean it would be cool if I had all gray hair NOW. When I'm a kid. 

Me:  Um... hrmm. Why do you think so?

Fin:  Because I would be the only one. And I would be like a rock star, baybeh. 

Me:  You are weirdly cool child. 

"Snuggles are hugs that last a really long time. I've known that since I was born."

After a particularly un-big girl like fit I remarked to Fin, "Oh, you can't possibly go to Kindergarten with that behavior."

Her response?  "I can deal with that, thank you."

"Momma, you're my kinda woman!"

Then she planted a big ol' smacker on me. 

"Mom, don't you think it would be so much more fun to have half a penis and half a bagina?"

...??!

Um.

 I... guess it depends on who you ask?  

Me:  I believe in you. I believe you can be anything you want to be and do anything you want to do. 

Foo:  Do you believe I can watch after myself without a babysitter?

HAAAAAAAAUUUUHHHHH. 

That's the sound of my kid breathing her full-on hot morning breath in my face.  

"Mom, does this smell just like fresh air?  Here, let me do it again..."

Fin just graciously stood over the air conditioning vent and kicked some cool air my way. 

Just accidentally (I swear!) startled the crap out of my kid. So much so that she yelled at me. 

"MOM!  You scared me to Jesus!"

Finley and I were looking at a Hanna Andersson catalog that came in the mail today, thumbing through back to school clothes, tights & shoes, backpacks, etc. 

We came to the underwear page and she was so busy pointing out the girlie undies and camis she likes that it took her a moment to notice... on the opposite page... dun dun DUN... the boys drawers. 

She slapped her hands over her eyes and shrieked which was a totally acceptable reaction to this momma. THEN she burst into hysterical giggles, peeked through her fingers and snickered, "I just can't quit looking!!" 

Oh, crap. 

"Mom, did I just plop out of your bagina or did the doctor have to cut me out of your belly?"

When you put it that way, cesarean section actually sounds like the more appealing choice...

May 8, 2013

Apparently we have reached the age in which momma singing Bust A Move and, you know, busting a little move causes my kid to roll her eyes, heave a huge sigh and leave the room.

I can't wait till the next time we're in a crowded public place together.

May 28, 2013

Finley Kate Willmore wants everyone in West Frankfort to know she "got 3 shots today and didn't scream, so everyone will be proud of me". 

She lies, but I'm proud of her anyway. 

Bring on Kindergarten!

June 4, 2013. Around midnight...

Oh holy holy. Just got up for a midnight pee, walked out of my bedroom and heard footsteps running at me down the pitch black hallway. Damn kid almost saved me a trip to the bathroom. I may have done a little terrified dance. Once it was clear I wasn't a) being attacked by the paranormal or b) having a heart attack, I caught a bad case of hysterical giggles which then spread to my kid. We sat in the bathroom at midnight, laughing together in the dark till tears ran down my face. This kid is going to be the death of me.

Playing catch with Finley and her mini rubber kickball (of which there used to be three). Howard (Chihuahua) loves to aggressively intercept but he tends to puncture and deflate them. 

Fin: AARGH! I'm getting so sick of this!

Me: Sick of what?

Fin: Howard always busting my balls!

Fin and I saw Despicable Me 2 recently. She stage whispered to me during this scene that the Village People minion on the right looks just like her daddy. Heh.

Me:  How was your day?

Fin:  It was just precious.

Viewing a Pinterest picture of cupcakes...

"MMM, those are watering my mouth!"

Naked quote of the evening:

"Sorry I pooped on the rug.  I started to hop and it just turded out."

Fin is running around naked before her bath and I remarked that she has her father's posterior. 

"Dad, what does your butt look like?"

"Apparently, it looks like yours."

"Except hairier?"

Me:  What makes someone a good momma?

Fin:  Loving their child and wanting to take care of it.

Me:  Anything else?

Fin:  Nope. That's it. 

Our Howard is a black Chihuahua who is very long (longer than his breed should be) in the body. 

This morning Fin casually observed, "How, you look like a hot dog. A little black, burned up hot dog."

I am nagging Finley to finish her dinner so I can give her her medicine. 

ME [hollering from other room]:  Are you eating in there?

FIN:  Dang. Outsmarted by an old woman. 

ME:  I certainly hope you are not referring to me.

FIN:  ...never mind!

Apparently we have reached the age in which Momma singing Busy A Move and, you know, busting a little move causes my kid to roll her eyes, heave a huge sigh and leave the room. 

I can't wait till the next time we're in a crowded public place together. 

This morning Fin made it clear I wasn't being gentle enough as I fixed her hair. 

"OW!  Mom!  I'm about to breathe fire over here!"

Find it ironic that I fell down a rabbit hole this morning of researching colleges for my 5.5 year old when she's home sick from pre-k for about the 247th time this year.

Fin's Invisible Fox friend has a visible (stuffed) fox baby. I have been assigned babysitting duties while Fin, Invisible Fox and all of his - yes, his - friends build a playhouse.

"Take good care of the baby, Mom. His name is Filo. Let him drink milk from your boobs. He likes that."

Our Howard is a black Chihuahua who happens to be very long (way longer than breed standard) in the body.

This morning Fin observed, "How, you look like a hot dog. A little burned up hot dog."

My kid just came hobbling into the kitchen, hunched over using a colored pencil as a makeshift cane.

"Excuse me, ma'am? Do you perhaps have some food for this starving little old lady?"

Oh jeez.

After randomly reaching over and jiggling my boob, Foo made the following observation:

"Mom, it doesn't feel like you have any bones in there."

"No, there are no bones in my boob."

"So, it's just like an earlobe then."

"..."

Fin's parting words to my dad before he left for his business trip overseas: "I love you! Don't fall off the plane!" Sage advice, no?

Overheard, Fin to Howard [our dog]: "Fanks for stepping on my eyeball, How. You could've killed me."

"Mom, when I grow up I will still love you with my whole heart. Even if I move far away to Marion and you still live in West Frankfort [15 minutes apart], I will still love you."

Was just explaining to Fin that her Pa (my dad) is flying across the ocean to England this weekend. Something possessed me to end the talk with a chorus of "I see London, I see France... I see Finley's underpants!" Having never heard it before, she proceeded to laugh so hard she then peed in hers a little. Gotta love five year old humor.

Hurrying Fin up the stairs tonight for bedtime I was making *gitcha gitcha* noises as I followed behind.

She shrieked, "Mom!! Don't gootch me!"

Watching Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone.

"Mom, Hagrid looks like your dad."

Yes. Yes he does.

I'm running a bit of a fever and Fin is playing nurse, feeling my forehead, etc.

"Mom, all you need to do to cool down is take that shirt off for awhile. Take it off, please."

"Honey, I'm not going to take my shirt off while I'm laying on the couch in the living room. Thank you, though."

"It's because you have boobs, isn't it."

"Yes, dear. It is because I have boobs."

After walking into the bathroom as I was not so delicately using the facility:

"WSHEW! That's one secret weapon I don't ever want to smell again!"

Watching Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone.

"Mom, Hagrid looks like your dad."

Yes. Yes he does.

"Please tell me I don't have to eat oakmeal for breakfast in the morning. I hate oakmeal."

Attack of the killer tomato.

"Mom, we need to go in the basement right now! I just watched the news and there's a giant tomato coming!"

Giant... tomato?

You know, like on Wizard of Oz? Hurry! It's the tomato, it's picking up the whole house!! Aaaaah!!!" [runs amok]

I love Friday nights.

Speaking about one of the boys in her class:

"Mom, ____'s bagina is called a weiner."

Names are blocked to protect the innocent as I sure this would be a story to scar this boy's adolescence and possible adult manhood.

On nutrition...

Fin: I don't like spinach.
Me: How do you know?
F: Because I've never tried it!

[She totally has; she just doesn't realize it.]

M: Well then how do you know it doesn't taste amazing? Like... rainbows?

F: *shoots withering look my way*

F: Spinach doesn't taste like rainbows.
M: How do you know??
F: Because it's nature! Do you want to eat a stick? Or a leaf? Or a bug? Huh?! How bout I make you eat a spider; would that taste like rainbows to you?!