"Mom, all you want me to do is learn, learn, learn! I don't wanna grow up! I need some peace!"

So much for the fun iPad learning app I just downloaded for her. I'm such a slave driver.

I was watching last night's American Idol when Fin walked in during Phil Phillips' performance.

She stood in front of the tv and silently watched him sing the song through to the end. When he finished she turned to me and matter-of- factly stated,

"Mom, I fink I'm gonna marry that boy when I grow up."

Then she turned on her heel and left the room.

That's mah girl.

Morning.

"Mom, do I see strawberries??"

"Yep, I bought them just for you."

"Aw, Mom. You're simply adorable."

"Adorable? Really?"

"Yes, completely!"

...oh my.

"Mom, if a bear wif big sharp teef bites you, you would get bleeds."

"Bleeds? What are bleeds?"

"Bleeds are red stuff inside of your body, kind of like red wava that comes out of a volcano."

"Why is it there?"

"It protects your bwain and your heart. It just fwoats around all inside you. Bleeds are different than boo boos. You need a bag wif ice to make bleeds better and not just a bandage. Boo boos are little and tiny and sometimes they're round. Bleeds are a big deal."

"How do you know all of this?"

"I know everyfing about bleeds. I'm a doctor."

Fin woke up coughing this morning so I asked to look in her throat.

"Mom, do I have swollen music notes*?"


*Translation: Swollen lymph nodes.

Finley came to me in tears. "Mom, I miss Mammaw. I don't want her to be an angel. I want her to be a normal person so I can see her. I didn't get to hug or kiss her goodbye."

I will have this talk with her many, many times in the coming years and the thought is heartbreaking. But a worse realization is that there will come a day when she won't ask about her. My daughter was four years, three months and three days old when she lost her grandmother. She won't remember that they cooked together, went on walks outside, had tea parties, danced and laughed together. How very much my mother loved her.

And that is what wrenches my heart the most.

Keeping someone's memory alive for the duration of a child's life is a daunting and exhausting task. It is a job that some days I fear I am not capable of. Some days I feel like I will surely fail.

But I will try. Because my sweet daughter deserves a grandma, even if it is only the thought of her.